I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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