They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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