God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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