dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
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im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
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And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend