I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."