the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
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Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun