Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close