Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.