1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I need a beard to bite.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.