She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
