just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
