She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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