he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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