I hate all girls vehemently.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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