I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
