Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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