i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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