Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
