the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
