that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
