The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
