Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
