The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
