I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
