you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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