Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
