just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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