im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
