I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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