I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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