i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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