Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
