Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
