so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
