I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We have started to decorate penises.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
