I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
