Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
