Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
