You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
