Will you blow on my dice?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
