He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
