i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
