Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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