haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
