It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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