Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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