tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
