if i can run in heels then i can drive
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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