My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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