I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
