Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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