how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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