the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
