there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
