aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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