I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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