im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
