So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
