she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
