Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
