i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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