im having a threesome with these popsicles
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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