i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
