Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
