you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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