I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
