I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
