what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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