I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
