I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
