She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
