He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
