Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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