she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
