You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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