I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
