Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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