The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
